MEDIAWORKSREVIEW: Love Island is back for another season and that means so am I. Sitting here, watching this anthrax bag of a TV show every night, so that you don't have to. As is the case with every programme I'm asked to write about, this show also sets humanity back thousands of years. Islands are normally surrounded by bodies of deep water, however, every single person on this show is so shallow, it might as well be called Love Puddle… *drum punchline* READ MORE: * Love Island is the pornification of our culture * Alice Brine: Happily stranded on UK's Love Island * Here are the singles heading into the villa for season five of Love Island UK * Love Island contestants will receive more 'psychological support' following deaths * MediaWorks fined for screening Daily Mail TV in after-school time slot * BSA complaints soar because of Naked Attraction I've been living in London for about two years now, having a crack at the old comedy scene. In that time I've picked up on a few quirks of British culture. For instance, my friend Bel taught me how to identify a loser, simply by walking past them. The untrained eye would have no idea, but once you've been on enough dates with horrendous British boys, you start to learn a thing or two. I can officially confirm that every single person on this show, regardless of race or gender, is d...head. Episode one is all about meeting the 'Islanders' - a problematic word they use to describe the collection of primarily caucasian Instagram models dumped at an AirBnB in Majorca. As to be expected, everyone is absolutely confusing and unrelatable, each presenting their own unique version of the worst personality you've ever seen. A lot of the people are really boring, so I might not end up mentioning them. When I say "a lot of the people" I mean literally all of them. I can't remember their names so this is all just going to be done with nicknames that I've made up. There's the 'scientist one' who is actually very intelligent and beautiful. She also happens to be black and is therefore ignored by literally everyone. Especially the editing team who give her about 3 seconds of air time all week. There's the 'surfer one' who every lad on this show is absolutely obsessed with. She reminds me so much of Rebecca Cartwright when she was 'Hayley' in Home & Away, until you see her terrible hair extensions from side on and feel absolutely lied to.MEDIAWORKS There's the 20 year old 'boxer one' who looks like he's about 40 and has forgotten to develop any of the muscles in his lower body. He's obsessed with telling everyone that 'just because he's massive and fit' doesn't mean he's like those other 'massive, fit' lads. He's different, he watched the movie Up once. Then there's the 'floppy haired boy' whom I absolutely loathe. He is a living, breathing red flag from a posh part of London. Every single expression on his face is irritating and everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. Obviously the surfer girl is in love w
Love Island: Every moment is so shallow, it may as well be called Love Puddle
MEDIAWORKSREVIEW: Love Island is back for another season and that means so am I. Sitting here, watching this anthrax bag of a TV show every night, so that you don't have to. As is the case with every programme I'm asked to write about, this show also sets humanity back thousands of years. Islands are normally surrounded by bodies of deep water, however, every single person on this show is so shallow, it might as well be called Love Puddle… *drum punchline* READ MORE: * Love Island is the pornification of our culture * Alice Brine: Happily stranded on UK's Love Island * Here are the singles heading into the villa for season five of Love Island UK * Love Island contestants will receive more 'psychological support' following deaths * MediaWorks fined for screening Daily Mail TV in after-school time slot * BSA complaints soar because of Naked Attraction I've been living in London for about two years now, having a crack at the old comedy scene. In that time I've picked up on a few quirks of British culture. For instance, my friend Bel taught me how to identify a loser, simply by walking past them. The untrained eye would have no idea, but once you've been on enough dates with horrendous British boys, you start to learn a thing or two. I can officially confirm that every single person on this show, regardless of race or gender, is d...head. Episode one is all about meeting the 'Islanders' - a problematic word they use to describe the collection of primarily caucasian Instagram models dumped at an AirBnB in Majorca. As to be expected, everyone is absolutely confusing and unrelatable, each presenting their own unique version of the worst personality you've ever seen. A lot of the people are really boring, so I might not end up mentioning them. When I say "a lot of the people" I mean literally all of them. I can't remember their names so this is all just going to be done with nicknames that I've made up. There's the 'scientist one' who is actually very intelligent and beautiful. She also happens to be black and is therefore ignored by literally everyone. Especially the editing team who give her about 3 seconds of air time all week. There's the 'surfer one' who every lad on this show is absolutely obsessed with. She reminds me so much of Rebecca Cartwright when she was 'Hayley' in Home & Away, until you see her terrible hair extensions from side on and feel absolutely lied to.MEDIAWORKS There's the 20 year old 'boxer one' who looks like he's about 40 and has forgotten to develop any of the muscles in his lower body. He's obsessed with telling everyone that 'just because he's massive and fit' doesn't mean he's like those other 'massive, fit' lads. He's different, he watched the movie Up once. Then there's the 'floppy haired boy' whom I absolutely loathe. He is a living, breathing red flag from a posh part of London. Every single expression on his face is irritating and everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. Obviously the surfer girl is in love w
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